This is a simple script using sockets and an HTMLFree alias to pull BOFH-style computer problem excuses from http://pages.cs.wisc.edu/~ballard/bofh/bofhserver.pl.
It goes in your bot's remotes, and the trigger in-channel is "!bofh".
Also, you must change "***CHANGE ME HERE***" to your channel. on *:TEXT:!bofh*:***CHANGE ME HERE***: {
/bofhget
/set %bofhchan $chan
}

alias bofhget {
/sockopen bofh pages.cs.wisc.edu 80
}

alias htmlfree {
var %x, %i = $regsub($replace($1-,<br>,$crlf),/(^[^<]*>|<[^>]*>|<[^>]*$)/g,$null,%x), %x = $replace(%x,&nbsp;,$chr(160),&quot;,",&lt;,<,&gt;,>,&amp;,&,&hellip;,...,&reg;,®,&copy;,©,,&trade;,?,&frac14;,¼,&frac12;,½,&frac34;,¾,&sup3;,³,&sup2;,²,&deg;,°,&bull;,?,&rsaquo;,?,&lsaquo;,?,&raquo;,»,&laquo;,&rsquo;,?,&lsquo;,?,&rdguo;,?,&ldquo;,?,&ndash;,?,&mdash;,?,&apos;,',&tilde;,~,&times;,×,&divide;,÷,&para;,¶,&ecute;,é,&Ecute;,É,&cent;,¢,&pound;,£,&yen;,¥,&sect;,§)
return $regsubex(%x,/&#(\d+);/ig,$chr(\1))
}


ON *:sockopen:bofh: {
/sockwrite -nt $sockname GET /~ballard/bofh/bofhserver.pl HTTP/1.1
/sockwrite -nt $sockname Host: pages.cs.wisc.edu
/sockwrite -nt $sockname $crlf
}

ON *:sockread:bofh: {
if ($sockerr) { echo -a SOCKET ERROR: $sockerr }
/var %bofhsocktext
/sockread %bofhsocktext
/set %bofhsocktext $htmlfree(%bofhsocktext)
if (*The cause of the problem is* iswm %bofhsocktext) {
tokenize 32 %bofhsocktext
/msg %bofhchan The computer problem $12-
/sockclose bofh
}
}